It felt weird. Why weird? My brother Arno was 23 when he passed away in a fatal accident in Australia. And I was 18, and ever since then I dreaded turning 23. You see, I grew up in a family where everyone was older than me. Arno was my older brother, and in a strange sort of way - that maybe only people who know grief this way understand - I didn't like the thought of turning older than my brother. I still don't. I guess it means another moment that shows life is moving on. Which for people dealing with loss, is a hard one to swallow. It was one of those milestones, like that first dreaded christmas after and his first birthday, and my wedding day, and every year when that day comes around of when we first heard the news. I'd like to think I've healed well from it, but pain never goes away. And these moments are moments where the pain floods over my heart again.
Recently, I read a blogpost of something that opened my eyes for the second time around. Have you ever heard of the saying "God will never give you more than you can handle". Well I have believed this for a long time, and then a while back, I heard somewhere that it wasn't true and then I forgot about that piece of truth and tortured myself with that quote again, and then when I read the blogpost again, I remembered. And in a sad sort of way, life made a lot more sense again. Because, God has definitely given me MORE than I can handle in a number of ways in the past couple years. (and I'm sure many other people too). But when I kept telling myself that "He won't give me more than I can handle" It made me resent God more for not keeping to his word. And so in a weird sort of way - I felt like I could release God from his "promise" that wasn't actually his.
Here is the verse where I assume this christian jargon stems from:
1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”
This verse only talks about temptation. Nothing else.
And further more, there are plenty of verses in the bible that say there will be lots of suffering, and even verses where Paul himself expresses how burdened he feels. I'm no biblical scholar or pastor, and the last thing I want to portray is anything of the sort, but I told you I'd be truthful and vulnerable on my blog. So here's one of those guys.
It helps me to ask God instead - God you KNOW this is too much for me, give me strength to endure it, or a way out. And often if I am that broken, I don't say much else.
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| Arno in Australia @ 23 |
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| Couple weeks before I turned 23 |
the strength of Christ radiates beautifully through you. thank you for sharing this Gloria!
ReplyDeleteWell Gloria, I always wondered about this statement, and specially after what we experienced ,I was thinking about it just yesterday, about how painful of an experience it is , and yes the pain is pain,,and to me my experience has been so far is to take comfort in God's word , as you have been as well, and after i read your blog and you mentioned the number 23, while i was laying in bed, Psalms 23 came to mind, I am pretty sure you are familiar with it, I don't understand why, till today, but I will hold onto Gods promise, verse 4, says it all to me, and I hope this gives some comfort to you as well.
ReplyDeleteSteve - Psalm 23 is very well read in my bible. And I definitely have received comfort from God through it. I didn't mean that I have not received comfort from God about the whole thing, was only saying that this particular phrase didn't comfort me. Hope you are doing well in Cali.
ReplyDeleteLouisa - Thank you =)